Funny how that works.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Honestly.
I have my most depraved and depressing thoughts every time I lay my head down to go to sleep.
Funny how that works.
Funny how that works.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Cold Desert
Im too young to feel this old.
Things have changed.
Understatement of my life.
Patience always seems to be the one thing that's testing me. The fastest way to loose something is to want it too badly.
Well i cant help it. Your... i don't know. But i like it. And it scares the shit outta me. But you make me smile so much. A lot :)
Wish things kept going in the natural direction that they were in the beginning. But everything happens for a reason. And anything worth fighting for and worthwhile requires patience and understanding.
Waiting is hard, but im doing it. Just bear with me, i swear im worth it.
...
on another note, i still hate you.
You have simply re-evaluated what i thought was incomprehensible. Hell, i guess it's not even hate. It's actually hard to explain. The venom in my veins for you has faded and turned into a quiet bewilderment. I find it astonishing how you can know someone for four years and then BAM! Like they never existed. Like a snake shedding off its old skin.I cant even find the right metaphor for it.
It's a world i'll never understand. Wouldn't want too.
Moving on.
...
And my son. My perfect child. I swear to god on this earth and everything in my soul that i will fight for you until the day i die. Your happiness and upbringing is my main priority. Your everything to me and i don't regret a single day that has passed since the day you came into this world. You will be loved.
...
As for me, i don't know. I'm constantly rebuilding myself. Ever changing, evolving. Trying to keep hope and stay strong. Trying not to get in my thoughts too much. It can be a sensory escape to the growth of my soul, or the pure torture of thought cycles that never end. It's not fun doing this alone anymore. I grow tired.
Can't give up.
Much love, internet strangers and fellows.
Things have changed.
Understatement of my life.
Patience always seems to be the one thing that's testing me. The fastest way to loose something is to want it too badly.
Well i cant help it. Your... i don't know. But i like it. And it scares the shit outta me. But you make me smile so much. A lot :)
Wish things kept going in the natural direction that they were in the beginning. But everything happens for a reason. And anything worth fighting for and worthwhile requires patience and understanding.
Waiting is hard, but im doing it. Just bear with me, i swear im worth it.
...
on another note, i still hate you.
You have simply re-evaluated what i thought was incomprehensible. Hell, i guess it's not even hate. It's actually hard to explain. The venom in my veins for you has faded and turned into a quiet bewilderment. I find it astonishing how you can know someone for four years and then BAM! Like they never existed. Like a snake shedding off its old skin.I cant even find the right metaphor for it.
It's a world i'll never understand. Wouldn't want too.
Moving on.
...
And my son. My perfect child. I swear to god on this earth and everything in my soul that i will fight for you until the day i die. Your happiness and upbringing is my main priority. Your everything to me and i don't regret a single day that has passed since the day you came into this world. You will be loved.
...
As for me, i don't know. I'm constantly rebuilding myself. Ever changing, evolving. Trying to keep hope and stay strong. Trying not to get in my thoughts too much. It can be a sensory escape to the growth of my soul, or the pure torture of thought cycles that never end. It's not fun doing this alone anymore. I grow tired.
Can't give up.
Much love, internet strangers and fellows.
Friday, January 6, 2012
title
Well, loneliness is settling in.
I dropped my friends a good three years ago to give my life to someone, and now that that someone is cut out of the frame, i have no one to return to.
Cant blame them, and i don't. Im not bitter about it at all. I just miss them all, as sure as they missed me, then resented me after being ignored for so long by me. I didn't want two, but my life was overtaken and boxed up and put in a closet.
I do sincerely apologize to all of you. I hope to make it up one day.
And if not, then sadly so be it. Im unfortunetely great at being alone.
..just gotta stay away from that bottle.
outofit.
I dropped my friends a good three years ago to give my life to someone, and now that that someone is cut out of the frame, i have no one to return to.
Cant blame them, and i don't. Im not bitter about it at all. I just miss them all, as sure as they missed me, then resented me after being ignored for so long by me. I didn't want two, but my life was overtaken and boxed up and put in a closet.
I do sincerely apologize to all of you. I hope to make it up one day.
And if not, then sadly so be it. Im unfortunetely great at being alone.
..just gotta stay away from that bottle.
outofit.
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